Relationship Anarchy Vancouver: June Edition

Kale of Relationship Anarchy and I have been hosting a discussion group in Vancouver in conjunction with some Facebook group-based community (Relationship Anarchy, Relationship Anarchy Vancouver). This was the second one, and I decided to take some notation on the topics we covered to promote the conversation continuing online for those who could not attend. Here is a list of the questions we proposed, and some of the things we covered while in discussion.

What does commitment mean within RA?

~ what people want to be okay with vs. what they are actually okay with
~ what does commitment mean to each individual
~ relationship escalator mitigation
~ stasis can kill relationships
~ recognition that every day, someone showing up means they want to be there
~ measuring love in relation to measuring importance
~ defining the “start” or “finish” of a relationship

What is the relationship between relationship anarchy and political anarchy?

~ philosophical anarchism
~ RA : is it about doing what you want and defining it the way you want, or is it about actively rejecting the structures that are in place? or both?
~ moving at the pace of the slowest person re: progress through getting to an RA model
~ breaking down norms vs. “YOU DO YOU”
~ self-awareness privilege: it helps to recognize
~ a future where monogamy is not the norm, and poly/RA is
~ we are thankful for previous generations allowing for non-monogamy to manifest
~ decolonized relationships: what would relationships look like without colonization, and how do our norms affect indigenous peoples?
~ everything we do is a political act, including the things we do NOT do
~ the productivity of narrowing the definition to a point vs allowing it to expand
~ radical = being true to yourself/authentic as possible

What do we do to communicate the value of our connections/the people we are in relationships with?

~ long distance relationships: sustainable when we don’t adhere to the ways we show love as implied
~ how valid are the 5 love languages?
~ working towards shared goals/bolstering each other to succeed: as long as there is direction, moving towards something
~ figuring out communication styles, and striving to secure validation is occurring and people are heard

How do we open others’ minds to RA?

~ website, articles, basically just the internet
~ set the example. unapologetically.
~ do things on the internet, tell everyone about them
~ cerebral conversations can exclude; be mindful
~ the difficult conversation formula

How does one “nope out” ethically?

~ EL and what an individual can live with
~ sometimes, the audition period is short, and it’s not personal
~ active listening
~ passive communication is the norm: more ways to be radical is to be DIRECT
~ check one’s privilege regarding implicit power dynamics and be grateful for the opportunity to learn
~ enthusiastic consent

The discussion groups occur once a month on the first Tuesday at the Tipper Restaurant and Review Room.

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